My Skin
by xThisGirlIsOnFirex
Summary: Brittany is just desperate to know the mystery of the scars on Santana's wrist but no matter how many times she asks, more lies just seem to pour out of Santana's mouth.
1. Love The Way You Lie

My Skin

**Summary: Brittany is just desperate to know the mystery of the scars on Santana's wrist but no matter how many times she asks, more lies just seem to pour out of Santana's mouth. **

Brittany always thought that Santana was happy; she was the happiest person that she knew and she seemed the happiest person in Glee apart from herself of course. Artie got depressed when dancing was going on because he couldn't join in, Quinn always seemed to be unhappy with her life, Rachel had cried many times because of the bullying and Santana just seemed to be the strongest and happiest person in the club.

People always said 'don't judge' but when she was sat in Glee watching Santana, Rachel and Mike dance and sing along to Katy Perry's song Last Friday Night...she just had to. Santana happily held her arms up above her head and jumped up and down cheering but Brittany noticed the scars that covered her wrist, as soon as her shirt sleeve fell down. When they'd done, Santana's hand moved to her sleeve and she quickly pulled it back down to her hand. Brittany couldn't help but shake her head at the Latina.

"That was wonderful guys," Mr Schue congratulated and clapped them. "Good effort, well done."

"That was really good," Brittany whispered to her girlfriend as soon as she sat down next to her. The two of them had been dating ever since Brittany and Artie had broken up but no one knew about it yet. Santana just didn't seem ready to come out.

"Okay guys, that's it for today," Mr Schue told them, "But remember your assignment; choose a song that sums up who you are as a person." They all nodded and began talking at once as they left the choir room. Santana headed straight to her locker and Brittany followed with her arms crossed and her head hung.

"Can I talk to you about something?" She whispered as Santana shoved books into her locker and pulled out the ones that she needed.

"You can talk to me about anything Britt," Santana smiled at the blonde, "You know that." Brittany was silent, "Spit it out."

"Where did those scars on your wrist come from?" Santana's mouth dropped open and Brittany nodded at her wrist, "I just happened to notice them when you were dancing." Santana slammed her locker door shut and pulled her sleeve down further.

"I...I scraped my wrist on a wall whilst walking home," Santana said quickly and turned to lean against the lockers with her arms crossed.

"Why are you lying to me?" Brittany whispered as she did the exact same as Santana, except she held her hands behind her back instead, "I hate it when you lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you," Santana told her and shrugged her shoulders before running a hand through her hair and biting on her bottom lip. "Brittany, you're my girlfriend," Santana smiled, "I never lie to you."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Brittany told her with a small smile. "And if something was going on then you...you'd tell me, right?"

"Please don't say that," Santana shut her eyes and shook her head before opening her eyes again. "Please; I hate it when people say that."

"So, that means there is something going on basically," Brittany sighed and Santana shook her head again, "Come on baby; what is it?" Santana was silent and turned to face her, her arms still folded across her chest.

"Nothing," she finally answered and made her way towards one of the girl's bathroom. No one would ever find her there, she always had only one bathroom where she went if she was upset or scared and Brittany was the only one who knew. It was the bathroom at the far end of the school, the one that no one ever went to because it was the furthest. As she shut the door behind her, she double checked to see if Brittany had followed her but luckily she hadn't. She walked into the nearest cubicle and locked the door behind her, sitting down on the closed toilet seat and placing her bag on the floor. She knew Brittany was scared and worried about her, Brittany was the type to worry. She soon heard the door open and Brittany's voice call out to her. She was silent.

"San, it's me," Brittany repeated herself, "I...I told the teacher that you weren't feeling well, asked if I could come and check on you. I know where you go when something is wrong San, I know what bathroom you go to so can you just open the cubicle door and let me in?" Santana didn't. "Okay fine," Brittany sighed, "We can talk like this. I...I'm just worried about you, can't you understand that? I saw scars on your wrist San and I can tell when you lie to me. Are you being abused at home?"

"No," Santana whispered through the door to Brittany, feeling tears forming in her eyes. "My parents don't abuse me."

"Are you crying?" Brittany asked, noticing the discomfort in her voice.

"N...No," Santana managed and shook her head, wiping at her eyes and glancing down at the scars on her wrist. Brittany didn't talk for a while and Santana could tell that she was deep in thought and probably shaking her head through the wall. "I...I...I did it to myself." There was a really long pause, "Say something." Brittany was quiet again so Santana picked up her bag and unlocked the cubicle, walking out. Brittany was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, knees shaking, nervously biting on her nails.

"Why?" Brittany questioned quietly. Santana didn't answer her and threw her bag down so she could take the spot beside her girlfriend. "I thought you were happy San."

"I am," Santana whispered, giving her hand a squeeze, "I...I was just a little stress and I...I needed something to take the edge off things; I am happy."

"If you were happy; then you wouldn't be cutting yourself." Santana didn't answer. "What's this about San? You being a lesbian or..."

"No," Santana sighed, "Don't say that out loud, please."

"We're the only ones here," Brittany pointed out to her; a bit of annoyance in her voice. "Don't do it again San; it's really dangerous, what if..." she paused quickly, "What if you die?" Santana glanced up at her with wide eyes.

"I won't die," she reassured her.

"What if you do?" Brittany shrugged her shoulders and gave Santana's hand a gentle squeeze. "Can we just forget about this for today? But only if you promise me that you won't do it again, you can't; I won't let you!" Santana nodded faintly, "Are we cool?"

"Yeah," Santana whispered, "I...I won't do it again, can we just go to class?" Brittany nodded. Santana picked up her bag and the two of them left the bathroom, hand in hand, heads resting against each other as they walked.

**Just wanted to write a story around this quite serious subject. Hope you like it so far. Just a quick note, if you like the story and are going to favourite and alert, then please spend the time to leave a review. It isn't nice for the authors if they get a favourite and alert but no review and if you don't like the story then just don't read or review it please. Thank you. **


	2. Fighter

Having Glee Club first thing in the morning was not Santana's idea of fun, especially seeing as she'd have to sit next to Brittany. She couldn't stand the sight of her after telling her the truth, after telling her that she'd hurt herself. It was nine o'clock and she was sitting in the library with her head in the eighth Pretty Little Liars book whilst everyone else was gathered in the choir room. She sighed deeply as she began the third chapter; somehow, she compared herself to Emily. They were both gay and scared of coming out of the closet, even though Emily was already out.

* * *

Meanwhile, everyone was gathered in the choir room waiting for Mr Schue to arrive. Brittany was in her usual seat with her legs lying across Santana's chair, the Latina still hadn't shown up and no one seemed too bothered on her disappearance.

"Hey Britt," Quinn soon noticed, "Where's Santana?"

"She'll be here," Brittany told her; although she didn't seem too sure. "She'll just be in the bathroom or something."

"She better be here," Rachel snapped, turning to face Brittany, "We cannot run a proper Glee Club meeting with missing members; it is just unprofessional."

"Leave her alone Rachel," Brittany whispered, "She'll be here, I promise."

Mr Schue walked in, a sign to show that Santana was definitely late. Brittany waited throughout Mr Schue's chat, she waited through Rachel's solo, she waited through the new group dance number and she waited until the very end of Glee. There was still no sign of Santana. Brittany tried her best not to panic; after Glee, she slowly made her way out of the room and soon caught sight of Santana standing at her locker. Rachel and Mercedes had already crowded her.

"Where the hell were you?" Mercedes asked the Latina but Santana shrugged her shoulders, "You can't just skip Glee Santana; you make a commitment to that club."

"Mercedes is right," Rachel snapped, "For once."

"I just wasn't feeling great, okay?" Santana told them both, "Now just leave me alone!" Rachel flicked her hair and stormed off down the corridor with Mercedes following. Santana noticed Brittany watching her and went to walk away but she stopped her quickly.

"No, you don't," Brittany raced over and grabbed her arm, "Where were you really during Glee?"

"The library," Santana shrugged; turning to face her, "Can I go now?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" Brittany asked her, "I can tell when you are avoiding me Santana." Santana shook her head. "Why do you keep lying to me? Can't you just tell me the truth for once? Please."

"I just wasn't in the mood for Glee Club," Santana confessed, "Now, can I please go?" Brittany let go of her arm and her smile dropped. "Thank you," Santana then slammed her locker door shut and stormed off down the corridor to Art Class. She was the first one there but she didn't overly mind; Art Class relaxed her. She loved the way she could just take hold of a paintbrush and paint whatever she felt like.

"You're early Santana," the teacher Mrs Green said when she walked in. She and Santana were close and mainly only because Santana was her best student. "I loved your picture inspired by Monet by the way; it really reminded me of his picture Poppy Fields."

"Thank you; do you want me to wash the paintbrushes for you?" Mrs Green nodded thankfully and Santana headed over to wash each brush carefully. It was at that moment when Brittany entered and walked over to Santana. "What is it?" she asked her.

"Can we talk?" Brittany whispered.

"Well class starts in a couple of minutes and you know I can't miss Art," Santana told her and Brittany nodded.

"That's fine," she smiled, "It's just the two of us on our table so we can talk then." Santana just nodded and finished off washing the paintbrushes whilst Brittany went to sit down. Santana soon came and joined her and the rest of the students filed into the classroom. "Seriously now, were you avoiding me?" Brittany asked as Mrs Green handed each student a big sheet of paper.

"Yes but only because I don't want to talk about what happened yesterday," Santana whispered back to her.

"You'll have to talk about it eventually," Brittany said, "I'm worried that you might not keep your promise."

"Why are you so worked up about this?"

"Because I don't want you to die," Brittany told her as Santana shot her a confused look. "If you keep this up then it could get too far one day and you could get seriously hurt or...or killed, if you cut too deep then..."

"That isn't going to happen; I'd miss me too much." Santana scowled.

"Maybe you should talk to Mrs Green about it; you two are really close and she's the type not to get angry with you."

"I don't know," Santana shrugged.

"Just think about it," Brittany told her, "Because, well if you are depressed then it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone."

"I'm not depressed," Santana reassured her, "I told you; I did it one time to take the stress away for a little bit and that was all. I wish you'd just stop worrying about me Brittany, I'm fine and I am telling you the truth this time."

"Santana," Mrs Green walked over, "Is everything okay? You seem a little distracted."

"Yeah," Santana nodded at her, "I'm fine Mrs Green; really." The teacher nodded at her and walked away as Santana got back to her work. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she was fine at all.

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this so far, I really didn't expect that many reviews on the first chapter so thank you so much. Here is the second chapter to celebrate. **


	3. Hurt

"I am fed up of this stupid school," Rachel said angrily as she slammed her tray down onto the table in the cafeteria. The rest of the club nodded in agreement as they sat down with her, "I have been slushied twice today and I can't even count the amount of times that Kurt has been slammed into a locker." Kurt nodded as he sipped at his drink. "You two are lucky," she said turning towards Santana and Brittany, "You're popular; you don't get this trouble."

"That's not true," Brittany said.

"Oh yeah," Mercedes scoffed, "Then when was the last time either of you were bullied?" They glanced towards each other but neither could think of anything. "See," she added and turned back to Rachel, "We should do something about this."

"What do you suggest?" Kurt asked.

"I have an idea," Rachel smiled and stepped up onto the table, clearing her throat.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" Kurt asked as Rachel began to sing loudly in the middle of the cafeteria.

_Regrets collect like old friends  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
And all of the ghouls come out to play  
And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn_

Mercedes saw what she was doing and jumped up onto the table beside Rachel, joining in with the rest of the song. Santana and Brittany watched as the two girls sung and danced together on the table, everyone watching them. Kurt was dancing at the side and Santana could tell that even Brittany was begging to join in. Once they'd done, everyone just stared until a pile of food was aimed their way, hitting Santana straight in the face.

"Oh god no," Rachel's smile dropped as a food fight suddenly broke out in the middle of the cafeteria.

"This is your bloody fault Rachel," Santana snapped at the girl as Brittany pulled her down and under the table with her. "Yeah because this will get us out of this mess," Santana mumbled sarcastically.

"No but at least its fun and we'll stay dry," Brittany giggled. "You're covered in noodles." She laughed as she pulled a noodle from Santana's hair. "Come on, you can't stay mad at Rachel forever can you? She didn't know that people would start throwing food."

"Yeah but she knows how people react when any member of the Glee Club starts to sing in public." Brittany nodded, knowing that her girlfriend had a point. "My wrist feels all sticky," Santana managed and took a look to see red liquid covering her skin. "Oh god."

"What the fuck happened?" Brittany yelled and Santana's eyes widened. Hearing Brittany swear was like hearing a cow bark. It never happened.

"I...I think I hit my cut on the edge of the table when you pulled me under the table," Brittany grabbed hold of Santana's arm and began licking the blood from her wrist, "Brittany; what are you doing?"

"Cleaning you up," she smiled. "It's what dogs do to each other when they love each other."

"Are we dogs?" Santana giggled, "Brittany; that's disgusting, even for us. Stop it."

"Fine but you're not going through the day like that; it needs cleaning up." Santana nodded, knowing that she was right and allowed Brittany to help her up from under the table. A huge pile of food soon came their way and they both ducked as quickly as they could. "Crawl," Brittany told her and they knelt on the floor and crawled quickly towards the entrance. Santana soon screamed out in pain. "What?" Brittany asked.

"Nothing, it...it's just still bleeding,"

"And it hurts?" Brittany asked and she faintly nodded, "Jesus." They continued crawling and were soon out of the cafeteria, covered in food. None of them seemed that bothered though and Santana allowed Brittany to drag her towards the nearest bathroom. "Sit down and I'll be there in a minute."

"It doesn't hurt," Santana said as she sat down on the edge of the toilet seat, wincing a little bit.

"Stop lying to me," Brittany said sternly and knelt in front of her, pressing a wet tissue to her wrist. Santana went to talk but Brittany cut her off, "Don't talk; I'll just hold this to your cut and it should stop bleeding in a couple of minutes." Santana nodded as Brittany held the tissue on. She removed the tissue and took a quick, peek, wiping away the remains of the red liquid.

"Are you mad?" Santana whispered.

"Not mad," she shook her head, "Just..." she shrugged, "I don't know; worried I guess would be the best word."

"I have told you thousands of times that you don't need to worry about me; I didn't even cut that deep, it just started bleeding because I hit my wrist on the edge of the table."

"It can't just randomly start bleeding," Brittany mentioned, "You must have cut pretty deep."

"You don't know how deep I cut," Santana snapped as she grabbed the tissue and pressed it hard to her skin, "I'll finish off here; you can go." Brittany shook her head and rubbed at her leg comfortingly. "Go, now!"

"I am not leaving you in this state," Brittany growled through gritted teeth. "You can't make me go." Brittany remained where she was and looked Santana in the eye.

"Just go Brittany," she whispered, "I'm fine on my own."

"N-O-O spells no!" Brittany literally yelled at her.

"N-O-O spells noo," Santana told her, "N-O spells no." Brittany was silent as she realised her spelling mistake. "I'll be fine, I just need some alone time."

"Fine," Brittany sighed as she stood up from the floor. "But promise me a few things." Santana nodded. "You'll clean yourself up and get rid of the blood, you won't do anything stupid and you will get to class on time."

"Sure," Santana nodded.

"Alright honey, give me a hug." Brittany leant down and hugged her tightly, kissing her on the cheek before walking out of the cubicle and leaving the bathroom. Santana glanced down at her wrist that was soaked in her own blood and realised something, bleeding felt good.

It hurt but it was a good kind of hurt.

**Thanks for reading. The part of the song used was Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine. Anyway, I wasn't too pleased with this chapter. I thought a song and dance needed to be added in because it's Glee but I also thought that the characters were slightly OOC. Sorry if they were.**


	4. Skinny Love

Santana slowly made her way through the door of her house, holding the hands of her little brother and sister. Grace was only four and was sucking happily on a lollipop whilst Laurie was seven and was playing with some plastic gun that he'd received for his birthday. It hadn't been long since their parents had just walked out on them but Santana had refused to let anyone know, telling her siblings that they were fine on their own.

"Can we watch TV?" Laurie asked as Santana locked up the door behind them.

"No, early night for both of you," Santana said, "Go on."

"But it's only five thirty," Laurie said. He'd been telling time constantly after learning it at school. "We haven't even had dinner yet."

"We got ice cream on the way home," Santana told him, "You're both going up to bed, come on." Santana lifted Grace into her arms and took them both upstairs to the playroom. There was a bed at each end of the room for them whilst Santana slept next door in her own room. She tucked Grace in and then went to tuck Laurie in soon after.

"Don't we even get a bedtime story?" he asked angrily, crossing his arms.

"Sorry sweetie, but I need my sleep as well." She kissed them both and went to leave the room.

"Sannie," Grace called to her, "What about monsters?"

"There are no monsters," Santana laughed, "Night, night." Making sure that she left the light on for them both, she left the room and headed straight into the bathroom. She shut the bathroom door behind her and headed over to the cabinet, taking out a pot of pills.

Laxatives.

Her dad was a doctor so they had all sorts of pills in the house, including ones to make you lose weight. If she took enough then she'd probably pass out, it's what she wanted wasn't it? She unscrewed the lid and emptied the entire pot into her mouth.

"I'm telling you Quinn; she really isn't her..." she was cut off as the bathroom door swung open, revealing Brittany and Quinn. "San..." Brittany's face went as white as a sheet but Quinn quickly sprung into action and raced over. She lifted Santana up and went to sit her in front of the toilet, holding onto her arm and pulling the toilet seat up.

"Right, come on," she said sternly and Santana shook her head, her elbows resting on the edge of the toilet. "Santana, if you do not throw those pills up right now then I will be shoving my own fingers down your throat!" Santana whimpered a little, shaking her head once again. Quinn pulled her mouth open with her free hand and shoved her fingers down her throat causing her to gag. "That's it." Brittany slowly backed out of the room, wanting to get away from the sight. "Again," Quinn coached, holding onto Santana's arms. Santana just kept whimpering refusing to cough up the pills. "Santana! This isn't funny, god damn it!" Quinn literally yelled and shoved her own fingers down Santana's throat once again, causing her to cough and splutter, suddenly throwing up into the toilet. "That's it, good girl," she whispered soothingly, "Again for me, come on."

"Are you crazy?" Santana managed.

"Do it!" Quinn growled through gritted teeth as Santana heaved into the toilet again. Quinn soon let go of her and the Latina collapsed in tears, her hair soaked in sweat. Quinn took a cloth and wet it with some cold water before pressing it hard against Santana's forehead. "Feel better?" She asked soothingly, rubbing small circles up and down her back but Santana shook her head, "Come on." Quinn flushed the toilet, closed the lid and placed an arm under Santana's legs, lifting her into her arms. She carried her through to her bedroom and saw Brittany sitting in the corner chair with her arms wrapped round her legs. Quinn ignored the blonde and placed Santana on her bed, getting hold of the duvet and tucking her in.

"I checked on Laurie and Grace for you," Brittany whispered, "They're asleep." Quinn smiled and mouthed a small thank you at Brittany as Santana's eyes just opened and closed.

"What...What are you doing here?" Santana mumbled as her eyes shut.

"Brittany told me that you weren't yourself," Quinn said as she sat on the edge of Santana's bed, "That you were really quiet and she wanted me to come and check on you with her; we called but didn't get an answer and we looked for you and then Brittany noticed the bathroom door wasn't locked. I'll go and get you a drink, stay with her Brittany." Brittany nodded as Quinn left the room and headed downstairs to get her a glass of water.

"I didn't tell her," Brittany whispered, "That you'd been cutting; I just said that you'd been really quiet and not yourself, I just needed some help with you San." Santana was silent and just lay in her bed, her head resting on her hands. The door soon opened and Quinn arrived.

"Sit up," Quinn said and helped Santana sit upright so she could drink the water. "You'll feel better after that." Santana croaked a small thank you and handed the water back to Quinn before collapsing back down in bed. Quinn sighed deeply and placed the half drank glass on the table beside her.

"I'm worried about you," Brittany told Santana.

"You don't need to be," Santana mumbled as Quinn stroked at her hair, "Get off." She immediately removed her hands and sat down at the foot of the bed whilst Brittany remained seated in the chair. The two blondes sat watching the Latina in silence until they heard silent sobbing. Quinn looked up and saw Santana burying her face in the pillow; Brittany got up and hurried over, sliding into bed beside her and wrapping her arm round her waist.

"It's me baby," Brittany soothed, stroking at Santana's beautiful, dark hair. "It's me, I'm not leaving; I'm going to stay with you."

"San," Quinn whispered and Santana looked over at her, "Where are your parents?"

"Out," Santana sniffed and buried her face once again.

"Where?" Quinn asked, hoping that Santana was telling her the truth. She shrugged, "You don't know?"

"They...They've been gone ages," she muttered, "They're not coming back so don't even think about telling them." Grace began crying and screaming from the playroom as Quinn tried to take in what Santana had just told her.

"I'll go," Quinn offered quietly and got up to check on Santana's little sister. Brittany stayed with her arm round Santana, her head resting against her chest, feeling the beating of her heart from under her shirt. This relaxed her, knowing that Santana was alive.

**Dark? I know, having a bit of a bad day and somehow this chapter made me feel better. Listening to Lea Michele also made me happier. Hope you liked it. **


	5. Don't Give Up

Santana walked down the corridors of McKinley wearing a black jacket with the hood up to cover her eyes. She folded her arms across her chest and kept her head hung until she felt someone grab hold of her shoulder. Spinning round, she saw that it was only Quinn.

"Can you come to the library?" she asked quietly as Santana just stared at her. "Come on." Giving in, she nodded and followed Quinn to the library. Brittany was sitting at a small table in the corner and Quinn sat Santana down in the chair opposite before taking a seat next to Brittany. "We're really worried about you," Quinn told the Latina straight out.

"Why?" Santana shrugged her shoulders, "I'm fine."

"Then why did you try to swallow an entire pot of sleeping pills?" Brittany asked.

"They were Laxatives," Santana mumbled, "And I wasn't trying to swallow them."

"What are Laxatives?" Brittany asked, confused.

"They're pills to make you lose weight," Quinn told her when it suddenly struck, "Wait a minute," she said turning back to Santana. "Why did you have Laxatives?"

"My dad's a doctor," Santana pointed out, "We have all sorts of pills in the house."

"But why did you have them?" Quinn asked, "Why were you using them?"

"I...I wasn't trying to kill myself," Santana whispered to her, fiddling with the ends of her shirt sleeves nervously whilst Quinn and Brittany watched her, "I...I was just trying to um...I was just trying to lose weight."

"Don't be stupid," Brittany scoffed.

"Brittany," Quinn hissed and held a hand up to her. "What Brittany is trying to say is that...that you don't need to lose weight, you're beautiful." Santana shrugged. "You are; you've one of the prettiest people I know San and you really do not need to lose weight."

"You said that you're parents were gone," Brittany put in, "When did they leave?"

"I can't remember," Santana croaked, "They've been gone a while; I've been looking after Laurie and Grace, I send them to school and then I pick them up on the way home and get them dinner and put them to bed. We don't need mom and dad."

"What about when you're busy and it's a weekend and they don't have school?" Quinn asked.

"They go to this kid's day club thing for all ages; I used to go there when I was a kid, it's pretty good and they love it." Santana hung her head again and Quinn and Brittany both shot her a really worried look. "I...I'm just not pretty like other girls."

"Yes you are," Quinn told her, "You're beautiful and you don't need a pot of stupid pills to prove that. Why do you need to lose weight? You're not fat at all Santana." Brittany got up from her chair and went round to hug her tightly. "I promise you that I am telling the truth here, you don't need to lose weight."

"Yes I do," she sniffed as tears came to her eyes. Brittany hugged her again and whispered soothing words in her ear, telling her that everything was going to be.

"Is there something else?" Quinn asked and Santana shook her head, not wanting to tell Quinn about the cutting. Only Brittany knew and it was going to stay that away. Quinn nodded at her. "We need to get to class now or we'll be late."

"Sure," Brittany nodded and patted Santana's shoulder, "Come on."

"I might stay here," Santana whispered, "Can you just tell Mr Schue I'm not feeling well?"

"San, you can't skip class." Quinn told her, "Besides, I don't feel comfortable leaving you on your own after what happened. Sorry, just come to Spanish." Santana hesitated and saw how worried her friends looked. She soon nodded and picked up her bag from the floor, following them out of the library.

"Santana," Mr Schue walked over to her once she'd sat down, "Were you feeling okay when you took the test?" he asked and gave her test back to her. "You usually do better than this in Spanish."

"An F!" Santana literally yelled, "I got an F!"

"I'm a little surprised as well; you usually do really well in this class." Santana groaned and slammed her head down on the table, feeling tears come to her eyes. "Better luck next time," he sighed and walked back up to the front of the classroom. Finn was sitting in front of Santana and turned round to face her with a small smile.

"Nice one Lopez, that's the first Spanish test you've failed," he chuckled.

"Shut up, I don't get what happened," she whined as she looked up, "I studied, I'm fluent in the language and yet I got an F. Mr Schue must have marked it wrong."

"That never happens," Quinn laughed, "It isn't the end of the world Santana, it's just an F and it wasn't even a huge test so you needn't worry about it."

"Quinn's right," Finn nodded in agreement, "You were probably just having an off day."

"I still don't get how I failed," she whispered as she heard Mr Schue call her over, "God, what now?"

"Can I have a chat with you outside please?" Finn and Quinn both shut their eyes.

"What?" Santana asked, "It doesn't mean I'm in trouble."

"Usually those words do," Finn said as they opened their eyes, "You better go." Santana looked nervous but got up from her seat and left the room with Mr Schue. "Do you think she's in trouble?" Quinn shrugged her shoulders, "It's true, San never gets F's in Spanish or anything lower than an A. I can kind of see why he's angry with her."

"I don't know," Quinn shrugged, "San will probably tell us when she comes back in." Santana soon walked back in and took her seat in silence. Mr Schue came back in and shut the door behind him to get started on the lesson. "So, what did he say?"

"Just how he was disappointed in me and that getting an F isn't like me and that he's going to give me another chance to do the test,"

"Well, that's good," Finn said and she nodded, choking up a little. "Are you crying?" Quinn looked up at that point and across at her friend. Santana shook her head though, "Yeah you are, what's wrong?"

"I'll probably fail again," she whispered, glancing down at her test paper, "I know I will; if I failed this time then I am likely to fail again."

"You won't fail," Quinn told her. "If you think negative then yes, you probably will but try and think positive for once and you'll do just fine on it. You're lucky that Mr Schue is giving you another chance to redo it."

"I guess," she sighed as Quinn continued to watch her. Now, she really was worried.


	6. Thinking of You

"Quinn, I am really worried about Santana," Brittany told Quinn as the two of them made their way through the front door of Brittany's house. "It was so scary when she shoved those pills down her throat and I..."

"Britt," Quinn rubbed at her shoulder, "Try not to think about that; please...look um...maybe we should tell your mom that she's living alone." Quinn suggested. "I know San will hate us but we need to tell someone that her parents aren't there. We don't need to mention that she tried to kill herself."

"I...I was thinking that," Brittany nodded, "I...I'll tell my mom." Quinn nodded at her as they headed into the kitchen. Linda Pierce was cooking dinner whilst Brittany's little sister Kimberly was sat at the table doing some colouring. "Kim, can...can you give us a minute please?"

"Why?" Kimberly asked.

"We need to talk to Mom about something," Kimberly took her colouring book and crayons and raced upstairs to her bedroom. "Mom, Quinn and I have something to tell you." Linda turned round to face the girls. "You know Santana? Well, we're...we're really worried about her...she...she's been living on her own with her little brother and sister and she isn't telling anyone...she said that her parents just walked out."

"When did you find out this?" Linda asked in shock.

"Yesterday," Quinn told her, "She said they've been gone a while so she's just been living at home on her own, looking after her siblings."

"That poor kid; I should give social services a ring."

"Santana will kill us," Brittany said, "Please Mom, can't she stay here?"

"Brittany, our house is only small and we don't have room for her and her brother and sister."

"They can stay at my place," Quinn spoke up, "Our house is big, we'll have plenty of room and I'm sure Mom won't mind." Brittany smiled and nodded at her, "Just don't call social services; I'll talk to my Mom and I'll talk to San."

"Why don't you girls go over to Santana's house now? I'll ring Judy and ask her if it's okay," Quinn and Brittany smiled as they rushed to grab their coats. Santana didn't live far from Brittany so they could walk easily.

"You do know that we will have to beg Santana to come and live with me," Quinn said once they arrived and she knocked on the door, "She won't agree to it straight away." Brittany nodded, knowing what her girlfriend was like. Santana soon answered the door with Grace in her arms, "Hey."

"What are you guys doing here?" Santana asked them.

"Can we come in?" Brittany asked. Santana didn't look too sure but allowed them to anyway. She placed Grace on the floor and allowed her to toddle off into the living room to play. "We wanted to ask you something?"

"Yeah, we...we told Brittany's mom that you were living on your own," Quinn said nervously and Santana's eyes widened, "Sorry San but we needed to do something and she's being really nice about it, she isn't calling social services and she said that she'd call my mom and maybe set you and your siblings up to live with me for a while. How does that sound?"

"Terrible," Santana mumbled, "Sorry Quinn but I can't just come and live with you like that; we're fine here, I have been looking after them most of my life and I can't let anyone else do that."

"San, it is illegal for you to be living on your own," Quinn said, "Especially with children so young." There was a knock on the door, "That'll be Brittany's mom." Quinn went to answer it but Santana grabbed hold of her quickly, "San; San, get the hell off me please?" Whilst Santana was busy with Quinn, Brittany sprinted towards the door and opened it to reveal Linda and Judy standing there.

"Mom," Quinn smiled once she saw her mom standing next to Linda. She managed to shove Santana away from her and walk towards the door. Santana followed.

"Santana sweetie, are you okay?" Linda asked and Santana nodded.

"Of course you can live with us," Judy said, "Quinn's a good friend to you, she is. Are your brother and sister here?"

"I'm not living with you," Santana argued, "We're fine on our own, why doesn't anyone understand that? Just leave me alone!" Santana burst into tears and hurried upstairs, slamming a door. Brittany quickly followed, scared that she'd do something stupid.

"Santana," she knocked on the door, "Santana; it's me, please let me in...I...I just want to talk to you." The door soon opened a bit and Brittany stepped inside to see Santana sitting against the bath, arms wrapped round her legs. "San, why don't you want to go and live with Quinn?"

"I've been looking after Laurie and Grace most of my life, I...I can't let anyone else do that job."

"You'll still be looking after them," Brittany comforted, "You'll just be living with an adult, someone in charge." Santana rested her head on Brittany's shoulder, "I'm worried about you San; I got so scared when you tried to take those pills and then when Quinn tried to make you throw up and...And when you cut yourself."

"You...You haven't told anyone about that, have you?"

"Course I haven't, the cutting is just our secret and you know that but it doesn't mean that I want you to continue it. I want you to stop it, it's dangerous."

"It just makes me feel better," Santana whispered, "I'm sorry Brittany."

"I wanted you to come and live with me but we have Kim and our house is quite small for you, Laurie and Grace. It's just Quinn and her mom in that big house and Quinn kindly offered for you to go and live there. It's better than going somewhere you don't know, what do you say?" Santana shrugged, "Please San; for me and for Laurie and Grace."

"Alright," Santana faintly nodded, "I...I'll take them and go and live with Quinn."

"Quinn and I are here to help you," Brittany smiled, "We're your friends and we always will be."

**Keep the reviews coming, I really appreciate it. Thanks. **


	7. True Friend

"San, get up!" Quinn yelled and whacked Santana hard with a pillow, "It's time for school."Santana shook her head and buried her face under the covers, "Yes; Laurie and Grace are already dressed and having breakfast, Mom's going to drop them off at school so we're not late. Come on!"

"I don't feel well," Santana lied quickly.

"How don't you feel well?" Quinn sighed.

"Stomach ache,"

"Well a bit of fresh air and a drive to school will do you good; come on," Quinn got up from sitting on Santana's bed and pulled the covers off of her.

"No, it'll just make me feel worse; I think I need some medicine,"

"No, you need acting lessons because I don't believe a word that you are saying now be dressed in half an hour or there will be trouble." With that, Quinn turned and left the room, leaving the door half open.

Santana slowly sat upright and rubbed at her eyes. She couldn't be bothered to shower so she just sprayed herself with some of Quinn's perfume and slipped on some clothes. A pair of black jeans, her old pair of converse, a black t-shirt and a black jacket with a hood. She knew that she looked proper emo and that people wouldn't approve but she didn't care.

"Pancakes," Quinn offered as she sat down at the table. Santana faintly nodded and Quinn turned to serve her but caught glimpse of what she was wearing. "What the hell do you look like?"

"I couldn't be bothered this morning; I just put on whatever."

"The days we were all on the Cheerio's, you wouldn't have the problem of deciding what to wear then."

"I like it okay?" Quinn rolled her eyes and gave her some pancakes, "Thanks." She mumbled and stabbed them with her fork.

"Do you want some apple juice kids?" Quinn asked Laurie and Grace. They both nodded with a smile.

"I can get it for them," Santana said as she stood up.

"I'm only helping," Quinn said, "You're not ready for school and I am so..."

"We like Quinn," Laurie told Santana and patted his stomach, "She makes us pancakes; you didn't, you didn't even feed us."

"I'm sure your sister tried her best," Quinn said kindly and ruffled his hair. Santana was silent and stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door on her way out. "Now Laurie, that wasn't kind was it?"

"It's true though,"

"Have we upset Sannie?" Grace asked with a tear in her eye.

"No sweetie, she'll be fine," Quinn comforted her, "Now eat up; you have school soon."

After breakfast, Quinn left her mom to take care of the kids whilst she and Santana finished off getting ready before driving off to school in Quinn's car.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked as she drove with Santana in the passenger seat.

"Fine," she whispered, staring out of the window blankly.

"I'm not trying to take the kids away from you; they just need breakfast before going to school and..."

"I know," Santana nodded, "I know; I...I just feel bad that I never gave them a proper meal. When I was upset or in a mood, I just sent them up to bed without a meal whatever time it was."

"They need to be properly looked after San," Quinn said sweetly. "Which is why you and them are living with me and my mom so we can help."

"I guess," she shrugged.

"Can I ask you something?" Santana nodded, "I want you to tell me the truth though, alright?" she nodded again. "Have you ever had the urge to try and take another overdose?"

"Why do you ask?" Santana asked quietly.

"Just answer the question," Quinn sighed; sounding quite annoyed, "Have you or haven't you?"

"A few times," Santana confessed, "I haven't though because I know you'll catch me and make me throw up again and I really hate being sick."

"Sorry but that was your own fault," Quinn giggled as they pulled into the school parking lot, "You really scared me that night; me and Brittany."

"I know, I'm really sorry."

"As long as you're sorry and please don't try anything like it again," Santana agreed, "Thank you now come on, let's head into school."


	8. Cough Syrup

"Hey," Santana whispered as she walked up to Brittany who was standing by her locker. Brittany smiled as soon as she saw who it was and shut her locker before turning to her, "Um...can we talk?" Santana asked, shoving a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Well, we never do that," Brittany giggled, "You don't like talking about feelings, remember?"

"Yeah I know," Santana nodded faintly as she felt tears in her eyes. "I just...I just need to talk to you about something. Living with Quinn is great and I...I love having help with Laurie and Grace but I...I just need to cut again."

"Does Quinn know about the cutting yet?" Santana shook her head as Brittany took her hand in hers and led her down the corridor, "Does anyone?"

"N...No," Santana sobbed as Brittany gently squeezed her hand, "No one does; I...I need to do it though, I still get depressed." Brittany sat down on a random bench that had been set at the end of the corridor and took Santana's other hand. "I love you."

"Do you think that is what's making you like this?" Brittany asked. "Not loving me but not being able to love me in public; do you think that if we came out to people then you'd feel a lot happier?" Santana shook her head, "Then why do you get like this San?"

"I don't know," she shrugged; tears streaming down her face, "I honestly don't."

"I love you so much Santana which is why I can't let you do this to yourself," she whispered, "It's dangerous."

"I know,"

"Then why do it?" Brittany repeated. "Just answer me something here, are you trying to kill yourself when you do it or do you just want to feel pain?"

"Just pain," she said, "I don't try to kill myself."

"That's fine but if you get depressed then there are better ways than cutting; like pinging an elastic band on your wrist or something other than drawing blood with a knife or a razor. It just scares me to know that you do that to yourself."

"I don't want to scare you," she said quietly and Brittany nodded, knowing that she didn't mean to scare her. "Sorry Britt but I...I just hate my life, I'm gay, my parents walked out on me, I hurt myself for pleasure and I just don't feel that I can live anymore."

"Don't you dare say that!" Brittany literally yelled and stood up so she was towering over her girlfriend, "Please don't say that!"

"Brittany..."

"San, you have no idea how much it hurts me to hear you say that," Brittany cried in tears. "I hate it!"

"I'm going home," Santana whispered, "Back to my own house! Don't you dare tell anyone where I've gone," Santana crossed her arms and ran out off down the corridor. Brittany watched her before running off to the Spanish classroom. They were already late for class so she knew that Mr Schue would be in the middle of teaching.

"Mr Schue!" she screamed as she raced in, tears streaming down her face. The teacher and the entire class looked up at her, "You have to help me," she begged, "It's Santana."

"Brittany," Quinn stood up and came over, placing a hand on her shoulder, "What's happened?"

"Quinn, sit back down," Mr Schue told her and led Brittany out of the classroom. "What's happened?"

"Santana, we...we had an argument and she ran off; she said she's going home but I'm scared, please...just...please I..."

"Brittany, calm down," he calmed her, "Calm down; she'll be fine, honestly. Why are you so worried?"

"She...She's been hurting herself," Brittany confessed, "She's been cutting." His eyes widened, "She made me swore not to tell and I'm scared that if we let her go home she...she'll do something stupid, you have to help her."

"Come with me," Mr Schue took his cell out of his pocket, "I'll send an email to Emma; she can take the class, you come with me." Brittany nodded and thanked him as they left school and got into his car. "You know the way to Santana's house, right?" she nodded in tears. "Don't cry Brittany; she'll be fine, I promise you." Brittany hoped and prayed that he was right, that they'd turn up at Santana's house and she'd be okay. She really did hope that she wouldn't do anything stupid.

"This it?" he asked as they arrived outside. Brittany nodded and clambered out of the car, almost getting hit by a car on the way out, "Careful," he warned her and made his way up the path to the front door. It was unlocked.

"Santana must be in," Brittany told him, "It would have been locked otherwise; no one lives there now." He nodded. Everyone now knew that Santana was living at Quinn's place. They slowly walked in and Brittany called for her, "Santana! Santana, are you in?"

"Where do you think she'll be?" he asked, shutting the front door behind them.

"Either the bathroom or her bedroom," Brittany whispered and raced upstairs, the teacher following her. The bathroom was completely deserted so Brittany made her way along to Santana's bedroom. "San!" Brittany called as she raced in. She stopped as she saw the sight that lay before her, Santana hanging there with a belt tied tightly round her neck, blood dripping.

Brittany just screamed before blacking out completely.


	9. You Raise Me Up

"San, you need to stay with me!" Brittany begged as she clutched at Santana's hand, "Please!" Santana was being wheeled through the hospital with Brittany at her side. Mr Schue soon grabbed her arm and pulled her back, "I want to stay with her! Please, let me stay with her!"

"Brittany, she'll be fine," the teacher told her, "The doctors will take care of her; come and sit in the waiting room, and I'll get you a drink." Brittany nodded as he led her towards the waiting room and sat her down. There was a small water fountain with a pile of plastic cups so he filled one and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she whispered, "I...I still have the image in my head," she sobbed, "Of...Of her just hanging there with...a...a belt round her neck, bleeding." She broke down into tears and sipped at her water, "It was like something out of a horror movie!"

"Try not to think about it," he comforted and sat down next to her. The doors opened and Miss Pillsbury ran in with Quinn and Judy right behind her.

"Where is she?" Quinn panicked and ran over. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"She's in surgery," Brittany told her in tears, "She...She hung herself." Quinn shook her head, tears coming to her own eyes. "It was horrible Quinn, seeing her like that."

"Hey, come on," Quinn soothed and wrapped her arms round Brittany's neck tightly, rubbing small circles up and down her back. "She'll be fine, she's strong."

"It's my fault," Brittany cried, "We...We had a fight, about San's cutting." Quinn looked shocked and Brittany nodded, "She's been cutting herself; sorry I didn't tell you but San didn't want me to." Quinn nodded and sat on the other side of Brittany.

"Is she okay?" Miss Pillsbury asked Mr Schue.

"We don't know," he shrugged, "They've just taken her into surgery; it looked pretty bad but the doctors said she should make it." Miss Pillsbury nodded and took a seat next to him along with Judy whilst Quinn remained sat with Brittany, comforting her.

"You should've told me that she was cutting," Quinn whispered, "You should have at least told someone."

"Quinn's right love," Judy agreed with her daughter.

"I know but I didn't want to upset San, she was scared and she...she really didn't want me to tell anyone." Quinn just nodded and went silent again. "I love her Quinn," Brittany admitted causing Quinn to look at her, "I love her more than a friend; we've been dating for a while."

"I know," Quinn smiled, "I see the way you look at her; you're my best friend."

"You knew?" Quinn nodded, "You should've told us."

"I was waiting for you both to come out in your own time," A doctor soon came out, asking for them, "Is she okay?" Quinn asked straight out.

"She's fine, you're lucky that you found her when you did or she could have died; she was very lucky and very close."

"So, can we see her?" Quinn asked.

"One at a time will probably be best," the doctor said, "She's feeling quite weak and sore and she isn't quite with it but she is awake so one at a time."

"Do you want to go Britt?" Quinn asked and Brittany nodded, "Go on; say hi to San from me." Brittany faintly nodded and folded her arms as she followed the doctor along to Santana's room. Santana was lying in bed with her eyes closed, bandaged up hands laid across her stomach. Her face was pale and her neck was a horrible shade of red but to Brittany, she still looked beautiful.

"San, are you awake?" Brittany asked softly as she gave one of Santana's hands a squeeze. The Latina slowly opened her eyes and looked up at the blonde, "It's me sweetie; Brittany."

"Brittany," she croaked and coughed a bit. "Ow."

"You'll feel pretty sore," the doctor said, "You were lucky and I'm afraid that we will be putting you on a seventy two hour watch; hanging yourself is an extremely dangerous and stupid thing to do." Santana managed a small nod. "I'll leave you alone for now, you have five minutes." Brittany thanked the doctor as he left.

"How are you feeling?" Brittany asked, kneeling by the bed and propping Santana's pillows. "Everyone's outside, well...Mr Schue, Miss Pillsbury, Quinn and Judy." Santana was silent, "I told Quinn, about us and about...about the cutting. Mr Schue pretty much knows that as well."

"It's fine," Santana whispered; tears forming in her eyes, "I am so sorry Brittany."

"Ssshh," Brittany soothed and ran her fingers along Santana's neck gently, "Don't talk; you'll hurt yourself."

"I...I didn't want to scare you," Santana continued; ignoring Brittany's command. "I was so depressed though."

"It isn't your fault; I was the one pushing you to tell people that you were cutting. I shouldn't have done that when I knew you weren't ready to tell. Does it hurt to talk?"

"A little," she croaked and coughed again, "The doctor said it would for a bit. Why is everyone outside?"

"Mr Schue was with me when we found you but then I called Quinn and her mom and he made a quick call to Miss Pillsbury telling her what had happened and she came straight away. Classes at school kind of got cancelled."

"I don't want to cause a fuss," Santana shook her head, "Ow."

"Take it easy, you need your rest," Brittany leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I only have a couple of minutes left; I think I miss not being able to tell the time, now time flies by when I don't want to go."

"And then I came along and taught you, didn't I?" Santana giggled and Brittany nodded, "I love you; you know that, right?" she nodded and wiped a tear from her eye, "Don't cry; you know how I cannot stand to see your tears so put them away and you did not cause this okay? Come on, give me a hug." Brittany leant down and wrapped her arms round her, "I'm fine babe; I'll get some rest like you told me to and you go and get a hug from Quinn, she'll look after you."

"She says hey by the way," Brittany smiled; remembering what Quinn had told her.

"Tell her I said hey back," Santana smiled, "And that I'm sorry; just put it all out your head." She told her. "The important thing is that I am okay and that I love you and that you love me, right?"

"Yeah," Brittany giggled, "Of course I love you; you're...you're the best girlfriend I could ask for."

**Not going to lie, I actually almost cried whilst writing this chapter lol. **


	10. Hospital Love

"I brought you your homework," Brittany said as she piled a load of books onto Santana's stomach. Santana was still in hospital and Brittany had promised to visit her every day, "Mr Schue made me bring it; there are also some pamphlets about hurting yourself that Miss Pillsbury told me to give you."

"Chuck them," Santana sighed and handed the pamphlets to Brittany. "Did you copy Berry's answers for me?"

"Sorry," Brittany bit her lip, "I forgot about that; just work the answers out for yourself, you'll never learn otherwise." Santana rolled her eyes but opened up her first text book, the writing going blurry. "You okay?"

"I just can't concentrate," she slammed her book shut and chucked it to the floor along with the others. "Hospital is the worst place to do homework in, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Mr Schue did say to just try your best on it. How long are you in here for?"

"Weeks," Santana mumbled, "I'm on a like three day watch though by the doctors. Then I'll probably be in here for like two more weeks after that."

"I miss you," Brittany whispered and rubbed at her arm.

"I miss you too, gets kind of lonely in here on my own," Brittany leaned down and planted a small kiss on her forehead, "Thanks honey; how is school anyway? Still boring?" Brittany laughed and nodded.

"Everyone's missing you," she shrugged, "Even Rachel and that is saying something."

"No one misses me," Santana whispered, "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"No I'm not; lots of people are missing you. Mercedes and Kurt sang a song for you in Glee Club the other day, you should've been there. It was so sweet," Santana managed a smile, "You think so little of yourself."

"No I don't," Santana denied.

"Yeah you do, you have such low self esteem." Brittany argued and Santana just shrugged her shoulders, "I hope this has taught you a lesson; please don't hurt yourself again, I...I was so scared." Brittany stuttered close to tears.

"I'm sorry," Santana apologised quietly, "I was just feeling so low and then...then we had a fight and..."

"Ignore the fight," Brittany ordered, "It was stupid and it's in the past, I love you and that is all that matters okay?" Santana nodded, "Now stop the tears and the silliness."

"It's the hospital," Santana sniffled, "Getting to me a little bit."

"How about I stay with you tonight?" Brittany asked and took Santana's hand in hers, "Just to keep you company and make sure that you're okay." Santana nodded thankfully, "My mom won't mind." Brittany came round and climbed into bed with Santana, wrapping her arm round her waist, "You're beautiful."

"Think so?" Santana asked and Brittany nodded, kissing her cheek. "Thanks, that means a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me," she cooed and nuzzled her neck like some kind of puppy. "You're gorgeous."

"Are you sure you want to stay with me?" she asked, "I know how much you hate hospitals, I'm not a huge fan of them."

"Hey, I'll stay for you," she soothed and stroked at a strand of Santana's hair. "Besides, we won't be scared if we have each other will we?"

"Guess not, you have school tomorrow though remember?" Brittany didn't seem bothered about that, "Brittany; you have to go to school."

"Teachers think that if I skip classes then my grades might improve so maybe it's for the best, I hate going to school without you San. I hate sitting in class, thinking of you cooped up in this place, it must be horrible for you."

"It's fine," Santana reassured her, "Honestly Brittany; I don't want you spending all day worrying about me, please."

"I can't help it, you're my girlfriend," Brittany smiled, "It's my job to worry about you."

"Well don't," Santana laughed and looked her in the eyes, "I promise that I...I'm going to try and stop cutting and if I do then just..."

"I'll give you a smack," Brittany finished for her and Santana nodded, "Thank you; you don't need to cut anyway, you and your brother and sister are living with Quinn and you have a girlfriend who loves you very much. You have no need to cut anymore Santana."

"I know," Santana whispered, "Which is why I'm going to stop and thank you, thank you for helping me."

"No problem sweetheart," Brittany kissed her once more and snuggled up close, closing her eyes and feeling the heavy beating of Santana's heart. She couldn't be more happier.

**THE END! Hope you liked it. **


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